Lies

I had to get away from my "friend" who is smothering me. It feels like having two overprotective and controlling mothers, which I don't need. I lied to her and told her I was camping in Moab. So, today I just went to my chill spot in the woods. It was peaceful, quiet as usual. I contemplated a lot of things, and most of all I daydreamed. I thought of what else was out there for me. I wondered if I could find a secluded space of my own, away from the rest of the world. Everyone tells me I shouldn't be a hermit, but what if that's what I want? Do any of you ever feel that way? I also thought of how little adventure I have in my life and wished that even if it was scary that something special would happen. I don't expect a vampire to pop out of the woods and say hello but would it really hurt anyone to say hello to me? I dreamed of a friend, someone, anyone I could relate to to come out of the woods and say that this was their chill spot too, but we could share it together. I contemplated life after death. Does anybody have theories about that? There's too many possibilities, I don't know what to believe, but I think the least painful, relaxing and the most scary thought I had was that after you're dead you're simply nothing. You're just nonexistent; there's no afterlife, there's no spirits, you just disappear. And then I thought of my lie to my supposed friend. It was an obvious sign that I couldn't stand being friends with her, but I realized how much I needed her. She's the only real friend I have, even with as much as she annoys me. There's nobody here. There are no kids my age around the block, no kids like me on the bus, no kids I can relate to in my classes. I feel invisible as the rest of the world goes on around me, not noticing me or acknowledging my existence. I'll be waiting in my chill spot every day for life to catch up to me a realize I'm here. Maybe I should keep my head out of the clouds.